The Way Things Used to Be
by BlueJeans07
Summary: Heero's point of view of the way his relationship with Duo is turning out.


Author's Notes: I am planning/ hoping that this songfic will be part of either a three part, or four part songfic arc! These characters do not belong to me (although I wish they did!) The song is Debra Davis's song The Way Things Used to Be which was also featured once on Dawson's Creek. I had the great pleasure of meeting her live the first time I heard her music when I worked on some Principles of Drawing homework at Borders. She was pregnant at the time and I hope she had a safe delivery of her bambino' and I look forward to hearing from her soon!  
  
The Way Things Used to be  
By Blue Jeans  
Song by Debra Davis  
  
I still remember the first time I saw her, staring at me with curiosity, her cornflower blue eyes wide with concern, her sunlight blond hair blowing softly in the sea breeze. I had been shocked to discover her then since she could be dangerous to my mission. The only two choices I had was to either kill her or escape; I ended up choosing the latter. I often wonder I did that... she wasn't important to me then, not like now. Although it began unwillingly on my part, she had become the closest friend I had ever had, the girl with the unbreakable strength and will whose determination brought peace to the world.  
  
It's you and me and so much in between  
all tangled up in the passage of time  
Trust and blame and feelings with no name fighting it out  
in the back of my mind  
  
She waved at me from her secluded booth seat when I entered the small cafe. Her smile seemed almost blinding when I sat down after ordering my coffee and sandwich. I nearly smiled back, but caught myself. Unfortunately, she noticed. You're letting your guard down, Mr. Perfect Soldier! I think you nearly smiled!  
  
I grunted, feeling heat in my cheeks, I think you need to get your eyes checked, reading all those papers and documents are making you see things that don't happen. She chuckled at this, giving me a slightly coy look.  
  
How is Duo doing?  
  
He's fine.  
  
Is he over that nasty cough? Sally gave him the right kind of cough syrup right?  
  
The purple one that tastes like grapes? I raised an eyebrow, He swore up and down that it was the correct one.  
  
Relena laughed, That's the only one Miriam would take as well. Probably because that actually has the best taste. Of course that means that it doesn't work as well as the other ones.  
  
Relena had adopted a young girl she had rescued from a cold night in the gutter. Miriam Song-Darlian-Peacecraft was a precocious eight year old girl with vibrant green eyes and deep black hair. Duo and I had visited them a few times and the two of them seemed to match each other well. Miriam brought out a playfulness in Relena that I had never seen before and Relena herself was a firm, yet gentle parent to her new ward. The former Queen of the World seemed to glow more, if possible, whenever she spoke of the child.  
  
And I'm looking for you  
in each familiar place  
And I'm dreaming of you  
but I come up empty when I wake  
Oh how I reach for the way things used to be  
Oh I believe in the way things used to be  
Oh how I need to find you next to me  
The way things used to be...  
  
  
You have grown up, Relena. I said without thinking.  
  
Relena looked surprised at this statement, but her eyes softened and she smiled again, Thank you Heero.  
  
You're welcome.  
  
A pause. Are you and Duo very happy together?  
  
I sat, quiet for a moment. Duo was wonderful in many ways, he was always so full of light and laughter, and he gave it out so willingly to everyone around him. I was amazed he had chosen me to be his lover and I have enjoyed his full attentions and tender loving... but I felt oddly empty at times, unfulfilled. Yes. Why do you ask?  
  
Because you only talk about Duo whenever I ask you about him. I'd have never known if he had a cold or if he was wandering around the house with only tube socks on if I didn't ask about it first.  
  
I figured you wouldn't really want to hear about the tube socks incidents, especially during our lunch breaks.  
  
Maybe not, but it would be nicer if you talked about the love of your life more, Heero. Relena shook her head, her soft blond hair swishing around before settling back in to place.   
  
I couldn't help but watch her when she did that, that familiar action I knew so well which she did whenever she was amazed or frustrated about something. The round faced teenager had grown up to be a breathtakingly beautiful women with soft molded cheekbones, firm chin and lithe figure.  
  
  
  
  
  
You don't regret what you did, do you? She asked me quietly, indicating about the time we had been together after the war had finished. I had left her for Duo, thinking that Duo was the one who could give me true happiness and a peace in my soul. Everyday with Duo had been... interesting to say the least. He was like a wild tropical bird who could hold everyone around him in awe, never ashamed to say what he wanted when he wanted to say it. We had fun in our roller-coaster like relationship, yet I found it hard to understand him since he seemed to change moods quicker than anyone else I knew.  
  
  
  
You're not lying, are you?  
  
Do I regret? Do I truly regret the wild turn my life has taken? I pondered about this for awhile, unsure of what to think.  
  
...I'm going to be late for my meeting! Heero, I'm going to go on ahead, so tell Duo I said hi, okay? I'll call sometime later, maybe we can have dinner when he's feeling better! Bye Heero, see you later!  
  
She ran from me then. Suddenly, an image of me running the first time we met flashed across my eyes and I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life.  
  
It's hope and fear both ringing in my ear  
The bells of the lonely shaking my soul  
Hide and seek, the words we never speak  
The heart is a traveler headed for home  
  
I went home from work that night, pondering the meanings of Relena's words. Duo greeted me with his bright, slightly mischievous grin, but I could never seem to smile back, no matter how big and beautiful that smile was. He asked me how Relena was from our daily lunch break together, and I told him everything she requested me to tell him. Duo laughed at the part about the cough syrup as he prepared dinner. Afterward, I excused myself early from dinner, saying I was tired, showered and went straight to bed. He joined me some time later and curled up beside me.  
  
Duo started stroking my chest then, indicating he what he wanted and I turned towards him to accept his affections. Between sweat-soaken sheets and his firm body, I started picturing soft blond hair instead of vibrant brown... cornflower blue eyes instead of passionate violet... a gentle smile instead of the wild, untamable one. The two of us came together, perfectly precise and then slumbered to sleep together with him gathered in my arms.  
  
I left that house that night with all of my belongs. I had to think, I had to be away from both of them so I could figure out what was going on inside me. I had wandered for a long time, staring at different things that reminded of one or the other; it was as if a thick fog had settled around me and there were only two roads that could be clearly seen... yet my heart couldn't choose the one I could be happy with.  
  
And I'm looking for you  
in each familiar place  
And I'm dreaming of you  
but I come up empty when I wake  
Oh how I reach for the way things used to be  
Oh I believe in the way things used to be  
Oh how I need to find you next to me  
The way things used to be...  
  
I settled on a remote colony, far away from anyone who could possibly know me or recognize me. I kept in touch with Quatre, but only told him little details, indicating clearly that I didn't want to be bothered for awhile. Quatre understood and promised to watch over Duo for me, but also requested that I reach my conclusion soon since I had people who were waiting for me.  
  
I pondered my situation; I had left Relena a long time ago to be with Duo and felt that I wouldn't regret my decision. If that was the case, why did I ache for her? Why did I look forward to our everyday half an hour lunch break together? I worked apart from her, yet I always tried to see her, to hear from her, to hear about her. Even now, on this lonely colony, I kept watching the news just so I could see her face and hear what she was doing. It had been a year since I had last seen them both and one night I watched a documentary about Relena on TV. I watched political officials, staffers, even close friends talk about her and her gentle, peaceful ways, when the interviews were over and a clip of her playing with Miriam on the front lawn of her mansion aired. They were under a grove of cherry trees and Miriam was throwing a ball for a large collie dog to fetch. Relena was laughing as she chased after the dog and let her white sun hat fall off of her head, releasing a blond cloud of hair to flow behind her.  
  
I felt a pang in my heart as I stared at the TV screen, remembering all the picnics beneath those cherry trees filled with soft conversations about the future, books, and movies. I remembered the way her body felt as she settled for sleep against mine, the sweet lavender scent that clung to her hair and skin, the petal softness of her lips, the flushed cheeks after a night of passion, the shy kisses that woke me up and surprised me with breakfast in bed that she had prepared herself. She had never tried to change me and let me do my own things without worrying about me, it was as if she knew me more than I knew myself. Suddenly, the answer was clear to me, the angel in my life had been right in front of me all along hiding in the demure colors and soft cooings of a dove behind the wings and passionate songs of the rainbow colored tropical bird. I quickly left the sparse apartment with my bags and my mission clear; I had to get back to Earth as soon as possible.  
  
A word, a call, am I climbing just to fall?  
The light's in your eyes, am I fading from view?  
And I'm looking for you  
in each familiar place  
And I'm dreaming of you  
but I come up empty when I wake  
Oh how I reach for the way things used to be  
Oh I believe in the way things used to be  
Oh how I need to find you next to me  
The way things used to be...  
  
Soon, I had settled myself in another apartment and hurried out to Relena's mansion. The housekeeper was surprised to see me, but told me that Relena wasn't home and shut the door in my face. I guess she never forgave me for leaving her mistress. Miriam had seen me from her window, waved, and shouted that was over at the federal building where she works. She grinned cheekily at me then and told me to hurry before shutting her window. I tore towards my car, hopped in and began driving like a mad man to get to the building. I quickly parked and ran toward Relena's office when her secretary stopped me, saying that Relena had left for the day a half an hour earlier.  
  
I went back to my car and began to analyze my situation. Where was she? Was she on a date? No, she would've told Miriam first and Miriam would have told me. I passed by that familiar cafe where we always met for lunch and I sighed, pulling over. A cup of coffee would probably settle my nerves and I'll try to meet up with her tomorrow morning outside of her office.... The cafe looked older and more careworn than it did when I last first saw it. I shoved open the door and heard the familiar dinging of the bell before I stepped in.  
  
  
  
I froze when I entered. There she was sitting alone in her usual booth, wearing a pale lavender dress and sipping coffee.   
  
My voice sounded hoarse as I walked slowly toward her. Relena got up from her booth and began to run towards me.  
  
I tripped on a loose floorboard then and she swiftly caught me in her arms. I looked deep into her eyes then and slowly wrapped my arms around her waist. Her eyes showed her unwavering love for me, the promise of a million beautiful days in her company, her strength, her passion. And I sank into them with my own promises of love, devotion, passion, and strength for her, for Miriam and for the future that we would share together.  
  
Owari 


End file.
